{"id":8369,"date":"2023-11-22T22:31:28","date_gmt":"2023-11-22T19:31:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ilknuryilmaz.com\/?p=8369"},"modified":"2023-11-22T22:31:28","modified_gmt":"2023-11-22T19:31:28","slug":"esim-ailesine-cok-duskun","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ilknuryilmaz.com\/esim-ailesine-cok-duskun\/","title":{"rendered":"E\u015fim ailesine \u00e7ok d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcn!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Evlilik terapilerinde en s\u0131k konu\u015ftu\u011fumuz konular\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda k\u00f6k aile (i\u00e7ine do\u011fup, b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz, anne baba ve varsa karde\u015finizinden olu\u015fan aile sistemi) ile olan sorunlar gelir. Y\u0131llard\u0131r de\u011fi\u015fmeyen bir durumdur bu. \u00d6zellikle nispeten gen\u00e7 ya\u015flarda evlenmi\u015f \u00e7iftlerde, ikisine ait alandaki sorunlara gelemeden k\u00f6k aile ile ilgili \u015fikayetleri dinledi\u011fim seanslar\u0131m\u0131n say\u0131s\u0131 epey fazlad\u0131r. Anneler babalar da oturur sanki onlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda, fiziksel olarak olmasa da ruhsal olarak varlard\u0131r. Onlar da konu\u015fur, izin vermezler adeta ikisine ait \u00f6zel bir alana.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">\u00a0\u2018Ben ve biz\u2019 olamayan nice gen\u00e7 evlinin yazg\u0131s\u0131 gibidir bu senaryo. \u0130ki ki\u015finin de\u011fil, ailelerin birle\u015fmesidir evlilikler \u00e7o\u011fu zaman \u00fclkemizde. Bu nedenle de evlilik kimi zaman bir g\u00fc\u00e7 sava\u015f\u0131n\u0131n, kimi zaman psikolojik bask\u0131n\u0131n tam g\u00f6be\u011finde olma hali olabiliyor. Bundan zararl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kansa elbette g\u00fczel duygularla, umutlarla yola \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f \u00e7ift oluyor.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">\u201cE\u015fim ve ailem aras\u0131nda kal\u0131yorum\u201d \u015fu ana kadar en \u00e7ok duydu\u011fum \u015fikayet c\u00fcmlelerinden birisi olabilir! \u2018Ben, biz ve onlar\u2019\u0131n nas\u0131l birbirine kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n en net \u00f6rne\u011fi gibidir bu c\u00fcmle. \u201cBen ve biz olmay\u0131 ba\u015faramam\u0131\u015f \u00e7iftlerin \u2018onlar\u2019la meselesi de bitmez.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Ge\u00e7mi\u015ften bug\u00fcne ta\u015f\u0131nan anne k\u0131z, baba k\u0131z, anne o\u011ful, baba o\u011ful ili\u015fkisinin her birine dair ne varsa, evlilik \u00f6ncesinde bir bir g\u00fcn y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131kar, eski yeni birbirine kar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Aslolan iki ki\u015fiyken, annelerin, babalar\u0131n, toplumun normlar\u0131 ve de\u011ferleri istila eder o ikilinin hanesini.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Sevdi\u011fi ki\u015fiyi mutlu etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131nda annesine ihanet ediyor gibi hisseden erkekler, otoriter babas\u0131n\u0131n iste\u011fini reddetti\u011finde onun sevgisini ve kabul\u00fcn\u00fc kaybedece\u011fine inanan kad\u0131nlar bu ili\u015fki a\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve bireysel duygusal zorlanmalar\u0131n\u0131 ve sevdiklerine olan etkisini fark edemedi\u011finde ilk \u00e7atlaklar olu\u015fur. O ilk \u00e7atlak \u00f6nemlidir. Bu fark edilmedi\u011finde, o \u00e7atlak giderek b\u00fcy\u00fcr, yar\u0131\u011fa d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. O yar\u0131k iki ki\u015fiyi, yepyeni bir hayata ve d\u00f6neme ba\u015flarken birbirinden ay\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r bile. \u0130li\u015fkilerine dair ba\u015fka sorunlar hep bu \u00e7atlak ve yar\u0131k \u00fczerinde konumlan\u0131r. 1-0 yenik ba\u015flam\u0131\u015flard\u0131r hayalini kurduklar\u0131 hayata.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Evlendikten sonra ailenizle aran\u0131zdaki s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 nas\u0131l \u00e7izebilirsiniz?<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">E\u011fer siz de k\u00f6k ailenizden ayr\u0131\u015fmakta sorun ya\u015f\u0131yorsan\u0131z, \u00f6nce kendi i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyan\u0131zda bir \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma yapabilirsiniz. \u0130\u00e7inizde bir yerlerde, anne-baban\u0131za hay\u0131r derseniz, itiraz ederseniz onlar\u0131 \u00e7ok \u00fczece\u011finize, k\u0131raca\u011f\u0131n\u0131za, k\u00f6t\u00fc bir evlat olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131za inanan par\u00e7an\u0131zla temasa ge\u00e7ip, ayr\u0131\u015fmaya dair kayg\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n fark\u0131nda olmakla ba\u015flar her \u015fey. Y\u0131llar boyunca ana kuca\u011f\u0131nda olduktan sonra y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flamak gibidir belki de bu durum. B\u00fcy\u00fcmek gerekiyordur art\u0131k. Kolay olmayacakt\u0131r da. Ama bu yolun sonunda, hem kendinizi, hem e\u015finizi, hem de evlili\u011finizi kazanacak olman\u0131z s\u00f6z konusudur.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Unutmay\u0131n, k\u00f6k ailenizle yak\u0131n ama sayg\u0131l\u0131, ba\u011flara \u00f6nem veren ama ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 da @olmayan ili\u015fkiler kurman\u0131z imkans\u0131z de\u011fil! \u00d6nce sizin buna inanman\u0131z ve i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyan\u0131zda sizi engelleyen, duygular\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmlemeniz gerekir.<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong><span style=\"color: #333333;\">\u00a0\u0130\u00e7g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fc geli\u015ftirebilece\u011finiz anahtar sorular:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">K\u00f6k ailenizle s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 belirleme fikri sizde hangi duygular\u0131 uyand\u0131r\u0131yor?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Kendinizi nas\u0131l biri olarak alg\u0131l\u0131yorsunuz?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">S\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131, \u00e7er\u00e7evenizi belirleyince annenizin\/ baban\u0131z\u0131n size dair nas\u0131l d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler besleyece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsunuz?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">S\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 net ifade ederseniz, sonras\u0131nda neler olabilece\u011finden endi\u015fe ediyorsunuz?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\"><em>\u201c\u0130li\u015fki Dans\u0131\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Nemesis Kitap<\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Uzm. Klinik Psikolog \u0130lknur Y\u0131lmaz<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #333333;\">Atak\u00f6y ofis ileti\u015fim: 05334515779<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Evlilik terapilerinde en s\u0131k konu\u015ftu\u011fumuz konular\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda k\u00f6k aile (i\u00e7ine do\u011fup, b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcz, anne baba ve varsa karde\u015finizinden olu\u015fan aile sistemi) ile olan sorunlar gelir. Y\u0131llard\u0131r de\u011fi\u015fmeyen bir durumdur bu. \u00d6zellikle nispeten gen\u00e7 ya\u015flarda evlenmi\u015f \u00e7iftlerde, ikisine ait alandaki sorunlara gelemeden k\u00f6k aile ile ilgili \u015fikayetleri dinledi\u011fim seanslar\u0131m\u0131n say\u0131s\u0131 epey fazlad\u0131r. Anneler babalar da oturur sanki onlar\u0131n yan\u0131nda, fiziksel olarak olmasa da ruhsal olarak varlard\u0131r. Onlar da konu\u015fur, izin vermezler adeta ikisine ait \u00f6zel bir alana. \u00a0\u2018Ben ve biz\u2019 olamayan nice gen\u00e7 evlinin yazg\u0131s\u0131 gibidir bu senaryo. \u0130ki ki\u015finin de\u011fil, ailelerin birle\u015fmesidir evlilikler \u00e7o\u011fu zaman \u00fclkemizde. Bu nedenle de evlilik kimi zaman bir g\u00fc\u00e7 sava\u015f\u0131n\u0131n, kimi zaman psikolojik bask\u0131n\u0131n tam g\u00f6be\u011finde olma hali olabiliyor. Bundan zararl\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kansa elbette g\u00fczel duygularla, umutlarla yola \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f \u00e7ift oluyor. \u201cE\u015fim ve ailem aras\u0131nda kal\u0131yorum\u201d \u015fu ana kadar en \u00e7ok duydu\u011fum \u015fikayet c\u00fcmlelerinden birisi olabilir! \u2018Ben, biz ve onlar\u2019\u0131n nas\u0131l birbirine kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n en net \u00f6rne\u011fi gibidir bu c\u00fcmle. \u201cBen ve biz olmay\u0131 ba\u015faramam\u0131\u015f \u00e7iftlerin \u2018onlar\u2019la meselesi de bitmez. Ge\u00e7mi\u015ften bug\u00fcne ta\u015f\u0131nan anne k\u0131z, baba k\u0131z, anne o\u011ful, baba o\u011ful ili\u015fkisinin her birine dair ne varsa, evlilik \u00f6ncesinde bir bir g\u00fcn y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131kar, eski yeni birbirine kar\u0131\u015f\u0131r. Aslolan iki ki\u015fiyken, annelerin, babalar\u0131n, toplumun normlar\u0131 ve de\u011ferleri istila eder o ikilinin hanesini. Sevdi\u011fi ki\u015fiyi mutlu etmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131nda annesine ihanet ediyor gibi hisseden erkekler, otoriter babas\u0131n\u0131n iste\u011fini reddetti\u011finde onun sevgisini ve kabul\u00fcn\u00fc kaybedece\u011fine inanan kad\u0131nlar bu ili\u015fki a\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve bireysel duygusal zorlanmalar\u0131n\u0131 ve sevdiklerine olan etkisini fark edemedi\u011finde ilk \u00e7atlaklar olu\u015fur. O ilk \u00e7atlak \u00f6nemlidir. Bu fark edilmedi\u011finde, o \u00e7atlak giderek b\u00fcy\u00fcr, yar\u0131\u011fa d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcr. O yar\u0131k iki ki\u015fiyi, yepyeni bir hayata ve d\u00f6neme ba\u015flarken birbirinden ay\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r bile. \u0130li\u015fkilerine dair ba\u015fka sorunlar hep bu \u00e7atlak ve yar\u0131k \u00fczerinde konumlan\u0131r. 1-0 yenik ba\u015flam\u0131\u015flard\u0131r hayalini kurduklar\u0131 hayata. Evlendikten sonra ailenizle aran\u0131zdaki s\u0131n\u0131r\u0131 nas\u0131l \u00e7izebilirsiniz? E\u011fer siz de k\u00f6k ailenizden ayr\u0131\u015fmakta sorun ya\u015f\u0131yorsan\u0131z, \u00f6nce kendi i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyan\u0131zda bir \u00e7al\u0131\u015fma yapabilirsiniz. \u0130\u00e7inizde bir yerlerde, anne-baban\u0131za hay\u0131r derseniz, itiraz ederseniz onlar\u0131 \u00e7ok \u00fczece\u011finize, k\u0131raca\u011f\u0131n\u0131za, k\u00f6t\u00fc bir evlat olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131za inanan par\u00e7an\u0131zla temasa ge\u00e7ip, ayr\u0131\u015fmaya dair kayg\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n fark\u0131nda olmakla ba\u015flar her \u015fey. Y\u0131llar boyunca ana kuca\u011f\u0131nda olduktan sonra y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flamak gibidir belki de bu durum. B\u00fcy\u00fcmek gerekiyordur art\u0131k. Kolay olmayacakt\u0131r da. Ama bu yolun sonunda, hem kendinizi, hem e\u015finizi, hem de evlili\u011finizi kazanacak olman\u0131z s\u00f6z konusudur. Unutmay\u0131n, k\u00f6k ailenizle yak\u0131n ama sayg\u0131l\u0131, ba\u011flara \u00f6nem veren ama ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 da @olmayan ili\u015fkiler kurman\u0131z imkans\u0131z de\u011fil! \u00d6nce sizin buna inanman\u0131z ve i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyan\u0131zda sizi engelleyen, duygular\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmlemeniz gerekir. \u00a0\u0130\u00e7g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcz\u00fc geli\u015ftirebilece\u011finiz anahtar sorular: K\u00f6k ailenizle s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 belirleme fikri sizde hangi duygular\u0131 uyand\u0131r\u0131yor? Kendinizi nas\u0131l biri olarak alg\u0131l\u0131yorsunuz? S\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131, \u00e7er\u00e7evenizi belirleyince annenizin\/ baban\u0131z\u0131n size dair nas\u0131l d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler besleyece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsunuz? S\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 net ifade ederseniz, sonras\u0131nda neler olabilece\u011finden endi\u015fe ediyorsunuz? \u201c\u0130li\u015fki Dans\u0131\u201d Nemesis Kitap Uzm. Klinik Psikolog \u0130lknur Y\u0131lmaz Atak\u00f6y ofis ileti\u015fim: 05334515779<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7916,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[73],"tags":[719,174,715,723,716,721,720,722,717,218,219,725,718,62,724],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v18.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>E\u015fim ailesine \u00e7ok d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcn! - Uzman Klinik Psikolog \u0130lknur Y\u0131lmaz<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Evlilik terapilerinde \u201dE\u015fim ailesine \u00e7ok d\u00fc\u015fk\u00fcn, ne yapabilirim\u201d sorunuyla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131r\u0131m. 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